It is interesting what people "must have" when they buy a car -- and what they "must not have". This was brought to mind with the purchase process that Evan went through with his BMW and my viewing of the Volkswagen Touareg and Porsche Cayenne. Some of these things are requirements and others are just "desirements".

When it comes to a new car for Evan, it must have automatic headlights (ones that go on in the dark), automatic wipers (ones that go on when there is water on the windshield), navigation, satellite radio (it must be Sirius), and an attractive appearance. Well, maybe not that last one because I remember him driving a Pontiac Aztek. As you know, he did find everything in a new BMW 3-series coupe.

I'm not seriously looking for a new car right now, but I believe in keeping aware of cars I would like to have just in case something happens and I need a new car. You know what I mean. Just last night I was talking with my partner and he was wondering why I was looking at microwave ovens. He said that I have a perfectly good one, so why am I looking at a new one? I told him that the old one is getting pretty old and I use it often enough that I want to be able to go out right away and buy a new one when the old one breaks. I really like the old one, but I want to be ready. It is the same thing with my current BMW. I want to be ready just in case some awful driver totals my car.

Besides, it is always fun to go looking at new cars -- if you can avoid the car salesmen.

In this process, I have had a couple of good opportunities to look at the Volkswagen Touareg and its brother, the Porsche Cayenne.

The first encounter was driving a new 2006 Volkswagen Touareg V-10 turbo-diesel. I wanted to see what it was like to drive a powerful modern diesel vehicle. It does fit that description. I also found that it belies its almost 6000 pound weight. It is supposed to get about 20 miles per gallon of diesel. Right now, diesel is less expensive that any grade of gasoline -- though I've seen it recently more expensive than all grades of gasoline.

I do have a problem with car designers/engineers who think that the right approach is to make engineering and refinement triumph over a poor initial design. This is the primary reason I do not own a Porsche 911 and never have. The problem with the Touareg is that it weighs so much. I must admit with an engine with 310 horsepower, and more importantly some 553 ft-lb of torque, it does not suffer from lack of power (really torque). However, pushing 6000 pounds of mass around (yes, I am a physicist and I am confusing weight with mass...) you are always aware that it really doesn't like changing direction a lot. It is deceiving and doesn't seem to weigh that much, but it is ponderous.

Next up, I just had the opportunity to drive a 2006 Porsche Cayenne S. This is the "mid" model Cayenne, the one with the V-8, not the six, but not the turbo V-8. The base price of the VW Touareg V-10 was $59,140 and with options can get to $70,000. The Porsche starts at $57,900 and with Porsche's tradition of making everything optional, can easily reach over $70,000. I guess that makes them comparable. The Porsche is rated by the EPA at 14/21 city/highway mileage and was told by the owner that it is lucky to get 16 miles per gallon in combined city and highway driving.

The Porsche drove an awful lot like the Volkswagen, though with a rather less "plush" ride. It still let you know that it weighs very close to 6000 pounds too. Its performance seemed quite similar to the Volkswagen. The Porsche has 385 horsepower, but rather less torque at 369 ft-lb. Bear in mind that from a stop, it is torque that you feel most. Most people would feel very little difference between the two from the seat of their pants. Both are very quiet during normal cruising.

Again, like the Volkswagen, however, I have the problem with all that weight in the Porsche. I feel that philosophically I should not have to carry another 6000 pounds around with me when I drive alone somewhere -- even if the power and maneuverability is commendable.

But what really got to me about both of them? It was the "old world" German approach to dashboards, actually the console. Their philosophy of "if a few buttons are good, then what seems like a hundred or more is even better". I don't think so. The small pictures here don't really show just how many buttons there are. If my memory is correct, the new Porsche has fewer buttons, but not many. BMW, Mercedes, Lexus, and Nissan have mouse-like controllers to select features. How long will it take Volkswagen and Porsche to join them?

The next deal-breaker for me is the size of the interior. For a vehicle as big as these are, there is precious little front leg room. I'm a 6-footer and the seat is all the way back for me. The back seat is even worse. And with all those 6000 pounds, there isn't even a 3rd row seat.

Okay, I've been carping about all that weight. For reference, take a full-luxury Honda Odyssey minivan, the EX-L. It has seating capacity for real people in all seating rows and weighs just 4500 pounds. Yes, it doesn't have great handling, nor the huge power of the Touareg and Cayenne, but its EPA mileage figures are 19/26 for city and highway respectively.

And the worst "feature" for me about the Touareg/Cayenne pair? It is the way the rear seats fold down. I own a BMW station wagon and at least once a month I fold the seats down to carry something in the back. The seats are 60/40 split, so I walk to one side and push a button and fold the seat down, then to the other side and do the same thing. I have a flat floor that extends to the back of the front seats. The folding seats on minivans are sometimes even powered folding.

That's not so on the Touareg/Cayenne. I can't believe the ancient design. First you must muscle the headrests out of the seats (there are three of them). Then you lift the seat bottoms and fold them up against the front seats. Note that to fold them all the way, the front seats cannot be all the way back!!! Then you fold the seat backs down into the well in the floor that isn't all that nicely finished. Oh, I forgot, you have to put the headrests into a little compartment that is stuck under the front seats. I'm sure that Volkswagen and Porsche never expect their owners to want to carry anything in the back that requires folding the seats.

What does the new Cayenne owner think about this when I asked him? "Oh, I never looked at that. It really is awful." Well, now that I think about it too, I would never have thought about it either, except accidentally I did when I originally looked at the new Touareg at the LA Auto Show several years ago. Nothing has changed since then.

So the deal breakers for me aren't the porky looking exterior of the Cayenne, but the interiors of both vehicles. They sure aren't Sport Utility Vehicles. With the little legroom front and rear and those ancient technology folding seats, there is little utility in them. People who buy a Cayenne are doing so because it has the Porsche name on them and it is more practical than a 911 or Boxster. People who buy a Touareg buy them because... well... I'm not sure.

You know, maybe I do know why I see Cadillac Escalades on the road. They sure are a better package inside than either the VW or Porsche. They can also be delivered without all-wheel-drive if you admit that you really never are going off-road. It may not drive as well as the Porsche, but will have as much power. And I suspect that the driving experience isn't all that different. The all-wheel-drive one, however, does weigh 5665 pounds. That's not much less than the VW-Porsche pair.